We are, for the most part, sheltered white girls who grew up in the suburbs. Most of the time I wear the same black fleece vest that zips into a turtleneck. When I was fifteen I was date raped at summer camp by a boy I had a crush on. Harassment is about dominance. I am more powerful than you are.
Would I have married? It makes me feel safe. Did he not hear me? We spent the afternoon looking at mug shots of known rapists. If a guy showed interest and seemed safe and we started dating, I pretended to get drunk and pass out, just to see what he might do. To stop and look at a watch or phone would put me at risk. I kept breaking away and trying to outrun them. So we wake up every day and just get on with it. I can do what I want. Would I have had children? Sometimes we harm or self-injure, treating ourselves as poorly as we have been treated. To him it was nothing. How had this happened? Imagine if we spoke with an accent or came from another country or had to undertake work that put us at risk. I went to school the next day, sitting in class like nothing happened. I had never listened to locker room banter. Relationships are hard, even friendships. I wanted my pain to be counted. When I was fifteen I was date raped at summer camp by a boy I had a crush on. That day had been rainy. Imagine if we had less privilege, less protection. He was 56 and a father of daughters; I was When I saw her, I burst into tears and she thought someone had died. I was reading Beverly Cleary books and wishing I could be a horse. It feels like my armor.
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